April Showers

April is one of my favorite months because it symbolizes a peaceful time of year--Spring, Easter, and family birthdays. Though I appreciate every season in turn, Spring is unparalleled in its significance. Mother Nature awakens from her deep slumber to give renewed life to all that is pure and beautiful--budding trees, fragrant florals, green grass, and little birds singing their morning melodies. With this comes the return of longer days and whispering winds of hope. It's an annual gift that can only be fully respected after enduring a long and harsh winter.

On Easter Sunday, I joined Anna and Alex at Rob and Cait's house in Aurora. In the company of their dogs, Jax and Sperry, we shared a home-cooked feast and watched the Pittsburgh Penguins playoff game.

Now more than ever, I feel grateful to have family nearby to lean on through my recovery.

At 25 years old, I am more mature than I was last April. Much has happened in the past year to support my growth; finishing grad school, moving to Colorado, a summer biking to Whole Foods and climbing fourteeners, becoming a pharmacist on my own terms, buying my first car, a winter skiing and trying every local beer I could get my hands on, commissioning as a USAF Pharmacist... I felt extremely lucky for such a wonderful year, as everything seemed to be falling into place--that is until my skiing accident last month. It was an unexpected turn of events that reminded me that life can change in an instant. It took a long time for me to feel like myself again, but I am now prepared to accept the consequences of my injury. Every day is a challenge, but I understand how to cope and move forward because I am a stronger person than I was last year.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

At the start of April, I have little to report on other than the status of my recovery. One month out from my accident and surgery, I am roughly half way through the first stage of recovery--using crutches to navigate, as I cannot place any weight on my left leg. In another month, I will gradually begin to bear weight on my leg, and hopefully gain strength and mobility from there.

After my mother returned to Pittsburgh, I tried to keep myself occupied as much as possible. PT and work were good distractions, but I still longed for my previous lifestyle. I've never been one to sit around, so two months of sitting around was a real challenge. Amid the chaos of the trauma, I somehow lost sight of what I was fighting for. As a result, I doubted my strength in overcoming the obstacle at hand. I began to feel weak and hopeless. Rock bottom.

Today, however, I turned a corner. I stumbled upon an online forum specific to my injury. I scrolled through the site, reading various posts of personal experiences with the injury--some positive, others not. One post specifically caught my attention--an uplifting story shared by Brian. I sympathized with his suffering through the initial stages of his injury, but was inspired by his determination to work towards and reach his goals. Two years after his accident, he became an Ironman athlete. That was when I realized that I needed to set a concrete goal to fuel my own motivation. Making a “full recovery” wasn’t enough. I decided then that I, too, would become a triathlon athlete. Completing a triathlon is among the top items on my bucket list, and I will not let my injury change that. It won’t be an easy road, or a quick one at that. However, I have proved time and time again how capable I am in pursuing goals. This one will be no different.

Later this afternoon, a woman at the grocery store inspired me further. As a young female on crutches, I have apparently become an instant target for others to lend a hand to. However, I noted the difference in this particular interaction when she asked if I had been injured skiing. Turns out, Jennifer had the same injury as mine in December! And here she was, four months later, doing just fine--no crutches, no brace; just a slight limp and stiffness as she continues her own journey towards recovery. She empathized with the initial recovery stage that I am in, and assured me that it will get better. Her body began to improve exponentially after she started to bear weight on her injured leg. Everyone's recovery is different, but she renewed my faith that I won’t go on this way forever.

I am eternally grateful for the continued support of family and friends throughout this journey, but the testimonies of these two individuals were what I needed to move forward. Now I am more determined than ever to work hard at PT so that I am as strong as possible when I begin to put weight on my injured leg in a few weeks.

An important realization that I am accepting is that my injury will not be a finite chapter in my life. That is, it will not cease to be part of my life when I make a “full recovery.” Instead, it is a weight that I will carry with me always; one that will constantly challenge me both physically and mentally. I don’t know why this happened to me--especially at such a critical time in my professional and personal life--but one thing that I do know is that I am forever changed by this experience. I will continue learning and growing from it, and likely become a stronger and more complete person because of it.

The final piece of the puzzle lies with my military status. Will my newfound hopes and dreams be crushed if I am disqualified? Or will I acknowledge that my injury acted as a catalyst for me to take a different--perhaps more significant--path?

In closing, I have caught a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel and I plan to keep it in sight at all times. As it turns out, my knee might be broken, but I will not let it break my spirit. What defines us in the end, after all, is how we rise after falling.